"The Board of Examiners has denied your request to be permitted a 7th semester of studies for the following reasons:"
Email confirming my expulsion from university
This project is a documentation of my battles with depression and disassociation. I worked on this project as an investigator, piecing together images from a time in my life I don't much remember. This led me to an interesting approach towards depicting the condition. It was a time when I realised for myself that mental illness does not exist in a vacuum. It leaves social traces, paperwork. In my case this was debt. I used those objects, as well as social media records, traces of objects I had kept or just hadn't thrown away, as well as my own body to try and reconstruct some form of the experience.
When I was suffering most acutely from the disease I spent periods of time inflicting malnutrition on myself, not eating for several days at a time, or eating very sparsely. My perception of my body was distorted. I wanted to capture that distortion, while also acknowledging the close examination, bordering obsession, that these forms of self-harm contain. What was key to this emotion, as I remember it and sometime still experience it, is that it is a disgust with the body, it is something sickening, and so I wanted the photograph “to work as flesh does” (Freud, L. 2009).